the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
