so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
