I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
