Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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