If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
