I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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