the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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