She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
