I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
