That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
the gays at disneyland are vicious
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
