I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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