Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
