Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Rumble strips road head = magical
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
