There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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