OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
