She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
