In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
