Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
