he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize