nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
