It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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