Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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