i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
