Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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