Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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