i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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