i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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