Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
