Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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