I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
