Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
