I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
