Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
