walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
