I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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