I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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