Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
