he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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