If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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