Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
