well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
