she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
