I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sorry about my life...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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