I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He shit in the fireplace
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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