My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
