i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
