I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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