I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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