My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
