Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
