Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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