u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
