Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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