I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize