The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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