ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
