They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
