I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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