It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
