We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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