I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
