all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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