So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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