She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
