He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
