So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
