btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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