So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
