She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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