Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
