anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Oh god it's open bar.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
