I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
