your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
